what people think I mean: I’m too lazy and I don’t feel like doing anything or there’s nothing to do
what I actually mean: my disorder is causing me to go into a numb, emotionless void where I’m not just lazy, I literally don’t feel like doing anything. even if there’s something to do or even if I’m doing something I’ll still feel bored because it’s not your Typical Boredom, it’s an empty and terrible kind where I dissociate and not have the energy to do anything at all, nothing I do will cure the boredom
And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.- (via ellie-sigh)
